e.m.PD, e.m.PD therapy, humor, Jeff Foxworthy, signs, symptoms
As I continue my research with early morning Personality Disorder, or e.m.PD, I have found that members of the group tend to report, and exhibit, several fairly common characteristics. I have compiled these characteristic behaviors into a list of signs that can be used to validate the presence of e.m.PD. Feel free to use this resource as a tool to determine whether you, or someone you know, might have e.m.PD.
If 3 or more of the warning signs on this list apply to you, you may have e.m.PD.
(It helps to channel Jeff Foxworthy while reading)
You know you might have e.m.PD if…
- on waking in the morning, you lie in bed and pretend to be asleep for as long as possible to avoid conversation with your significant other.
- your clock is set 20 minutes ahead of reality, and you pretend you don’t know so that you can have a little “me” time before facing your day.
- you spend an extra 10 minutes in the shower just to get your personality adjusted.
- the best part of your morning is NOON.
- you use the back door at work to avoid conversations with co-workers.
- your family leaves a caffeine offering on the counter and disappears.
- you have been known to snarl, hiss, and/or growl before you have your morning coffee.
- any conversations that occur prior to your first cup of coffee require a disclaimer.
- your subconscious response to a cheery “Good Morning!” is a withering scowl.
- you prefer seeing the sunrise at the end of your day.
- caffeine in large doses is a pre-requisite to morning conversation.
- you require a “personality adjustment” prior to engaging in social interactions occurring before 10:00 a.m.
- your friends and family frequently compare your morning disposition to Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
- you feel a need to indulge in “chocolate therapy” prior to early morning social interactions.
- forgetting your Personality Spray™ leads to some tense social situations.
- the thought of engaging in social interactions before your coffee kicks in causes noticeable facial tics.
- you find the idea of waking up at six-thirty in the morning morally reprehensible.
- you barricade yourself in your office until you have time to get your personality adjusted.
- you consistently schedule events that require social interaction to begin after 10:00 a.m.
- you would rather BE up at 5:00 a.m. than to WAKE up at 5:00 a.m.
- you’re secretly working on a plot to take over the world and banish all morning types to the Emerald City – without shiny shoes.
End entry .\ /.