There is no known cure for early morning Personality Disorder (e.m.PD). Current therapeutic measures focus on treating the symptoms, and this requires a highly individualized regimen of potions and enchantments – just kidding – a little. On a slightly more serious note, the self-prescribed therapy for e.m.PD varies significantly from one person to another, depending on the degree to which the person is affected, as well as the individual’s lifestyle requirements. These requirements could include commitments to work, family, school, hobbies, or being a super-hero.
In this and several future reports, we will discuss a variety of techniques e.m.PD members rely on to get them through their “personality adjustment phase”. This is the period of time between waking and being ready to actively engage in social interactions. Current coping mechanisms, also known as therapies, include avoidance, coffee, chocolate, physical activity, and various attempts at behavior modification. Please note – this is a preliminary list, and methods of dealing with e.m.PD that are harmful to self or others are not included. As more therapies are discovered, I will add to the list. In this first installment, we will discuss Avoidance Therapy.
According to a sampling of the e.m.PD community, the treatment preferred by the largest number of respondents appears to be time alone without any forced attempts to engage in social interactions. None. Nada. Zilch. As a first line of defense, Avoidance Therapy protocols can be active or passive. Data indicates that some members have been known to lie in bed for as long as an hour after waking, pretending to be asleep, in order to avoid social interaction with their significant other. Others have been known to seek refuge in the bathroom, behind locked doors, spending as much time as they can on various morning routines and grooming activities. A few will escape to their home office under the guise of checking emails and sending overseas communications. In some extreme cases, the e.m.PD member reports being compelled to dress as quickly as possible and rush out the door for a thirty-minute run, anything to buy some alone time.
During a recent conversation, I discovered some members will actually modify their work schedules to accommodate their need for delayed social interaction. When you think about it, it makes perfect sense. Unfortunately, this is not a viable option for the masses who are required to be on the clock at a specified time, or risk losing their jobs.
CASE STUDY 218036: Stephan is a thirty-something entrepreneur who owns a professional printing company. This is his story: ‘I took a look at your site and we have so much in common. I have been running this business with my wife for ten years, and when we first started out we would open at six-thirty in the morning. But that wasn’t working and we hated it, so we moved it to seven, and now we open at ten. I don’t want to see anybody until after ten. My wife and I, we both stay up until one or two in the morning. If I’m up at six-thirty I do my work, I don’t want to have to deal with other people until later, after ten.’
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